So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
