At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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