I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
