Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
