Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
