his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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