Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
