Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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