Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
