that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
