my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
