sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
