At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
And then he peed in my hair
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