is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
