It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
