i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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