blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
