I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
