I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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