a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
