He disabled his match.com account in front of me
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
