So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
