she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize