Sry I called you an 8
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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