At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
this beer tastes like vomit already
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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