he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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