note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
