I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
