Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
