How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize