so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I have fence marks all over my body
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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