For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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