To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
