I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
