i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
