i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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