Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
