if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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