i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
