They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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