it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
