So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
