dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
