If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
