bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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