he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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