The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
