Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
