you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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