I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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