I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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