last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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