So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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