hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
well you can't waste a boner
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize