Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
