I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
