If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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