all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
