The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It's never too late to be topless.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
