yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
