Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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