yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
