what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
