he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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