its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
