Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
