also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
