I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
