I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
