The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize