You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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