marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
