I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize