2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
