K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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