My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
