Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
