O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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