I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
