I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
