Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
