i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
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