I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
