I'd wear matching sweaters with you
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
