Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
